Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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