she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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