is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
