Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
