Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
