Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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