ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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