You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
its liver damage thursday
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
