Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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