This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
