Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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