Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
