i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
