I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
