hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize