He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
