Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
