When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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