this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
that may or may not have been my penis.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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