Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
