Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
