Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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