Cold hands, warm shart.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize