I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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