How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The uberlube is also flammable
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
