i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
