does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
