I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
