im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.