Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
