i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
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Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
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I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.