Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.