i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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