It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos