Texts From Last Night

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  (802): View more from Vermont

  he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him

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  (802): he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him http://tfl.nu/grpf
  Replies (14) Good night (752) Bad night (5101)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.

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  (305): i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer. http://tfl.nu/jibz
  Replies (52) Good night (37268) Bad night (1874)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I am midnight drunk by noon

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  (773): I am midnight drunk by noon http://tfl.nu/nu2g
  Replies (7) Good night (4535) Bad night (624)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought

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  (816): Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought http://tfl.nu/gjm9
  Replies (9) Good night (690) Bad night (2952)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.

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  (309): Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime. http://tfl.nu/y0wv
  Replies (8) Good night (2115) Bad night (932)
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  (415): View more from California

  You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.

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  (415): You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can. http://tfl.nu/e8s7
  Replies (5) Good night (1749) Bad night (2037)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.

  (1-720): View more from Colorado

  You sound pretty unsure about all of this.

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  (720): I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses. (1-720): You sound pretty unsure about all of this. http://tfl.nu/jh6b
  Replies (5) Good night (2419) Bad night (743)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket

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  (252): See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket http://tfl.nu/0lhc
  Replies (11) Good night (1473) Bad night (543)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.

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  (850): I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this. http://tfl.nu/urhy
  Replies (2) Good night (1114) Bad night (462)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.

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  (443): Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again. http://tfl.nu/8fgb
  Replies (0) Good night (793) Bad night (376)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...

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  (901): As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you... http://tfl.nu/9ceg
  Replies (10) Good night (535) Bad night (1921)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?

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  (505): So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink? http://tfl.nu/kn1e
  Replies (15) Good night (880) Bad night (397)
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  (949): View more from California

  I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.

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  (949): I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited. http://tfl.nu/5fzq
  Replies (0) Good night (638) Bad night (244)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...

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  (617): A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs... http://tfl.nu/kz0n
  Replies (0) Good night (339) Bad night (657)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.

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  (860): I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store. http://tfl.nu/502t
  Replies (10) Good night (379) Bad night (700)

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