I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
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Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
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Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money