we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.