My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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