i need an iv and a liver transplant
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
