That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
