is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
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