her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.