Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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