He's been sleeping iwht ***
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.