I'm so fucking centered right now
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's never too late to be topless.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.