Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student