I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
