The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
