I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
