Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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