I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food