tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.