brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
