i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
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you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.