Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
