I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
