He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
