So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
