wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize