Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
