Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
