he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
