I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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