grandma shit on top of the toilet
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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