While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't deserve a penis
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
