why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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