Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
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There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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