are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
