He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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