I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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