i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
me + whiskey = a bad person
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize