he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
