i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Panties = found
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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