it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
