you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
