I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This is my gift to your gina
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
That was before I lit my hair on fire
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
