I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
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In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
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Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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