I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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