Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
